Broken Down

I'm feeling broken, like no one hears a single word I've ever spoken. And all these voices in my head are now awoken. Why is it that everything I touch just starts eroding?

No, that ain’t true.

Tell me it’s all a lie. Tell me I’m giving purpose to someone before I die. Tell me whatever happened to “it doesn’t hurt to try.” Why do I feel pain for simply being alive?

Every day I’m confused. Every day is a fight. Falling deeper with time, slowly losing the light. I really wish I was normal, not faking I’m alright.

Sometimes I sit alone in my room just barely getting along, questioning who would care if I was gone. Maybe only my family — cat, brother, and mom. While I’m still alive and breathing, someone prove to me I’m wrong.

Why does this feel like a confession? Like I’ve let somebody down for struggling with depression. How do I save myself from my own mind when my old man feels like a weapon I battle every single day while staring at my reflection?

I keep all of this hidden. Maybe that’s why it builds up. I put on a fake smile, but inside I feel cut open. And honestly, all I’ve ever really wanted in this life was some love.

But somehow I push it away.

Sometimes my life is too much and that don't make any sense but writing it does? I'm growing weak in my body cause I got no one to trust, and trying starts to feel exhausting, cause trying keeps leaving me stuck. I start asking myself questions I can’t answer: Do I deserve all the blame? Does anyone else feel the same? Why do I keep breaking down over and over again?

And lately, the only question left is:
Is this ever gonna end?

Because right now I just feel broken down — I'm losing all of my strength. Feeling hopeless, I keep trying to pretend I’m okay.Constant pain,I wish I could move on from this pain.

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